Untouched Flaws

[I find this one very hard to post. It gets a bit too close to the bone for me. But there is something here for all of us.]

“Be sure we are willing to accept anything
into our lives as from the Lord,
except those things which can really alter us.”

From The Inward Journey, by Gene Edwards. [1]

Chris,

I’ll give you a riddle and if you can answer the question for me fully let me know. I have been ministering the Lord for three decades now. It has been a ministry within the walls of church life and a ministry which I hope—and believe—has been centred in the Lord Jesus Christ. But here is my mystery: There are some Christians who have come among us who are greatly flawed: they come, listen to the messages, take notes and never miss a meeting; they arrive at every 6 a.m. prayer meeting, read all the good books, do everything exactly as recommended for those who are young in Christ; they pray, sing, testify, wait patiently before the Lord, do everything that Scripture itself admonishes them to do. Yet, they do not change. Why is this? I do not know. But I have noticed something. On a few occasions, I have seen such deeply flawed brothers and sisters, after many years of going on unchanged, and sometimes getting away with near murder, I might add, confronted at last.

A very peculiar thing happens: More often than not, on the very day they are confronted, they also pack their bags and leave. They may have inflicted years and years of hardship upon the rest of us with their abominable ways (and we did not confront them because their hearts seemed so much for the Lord and we pitied their inability to handle their deep psychological flaws), but once confronted, they ended their sojourn into the deep things of Christ … on the spot. This is not always true, of course. But it is true enough to spice our interest in watching the passing parade. I do not know exactly why some people pack and leave when the Lord gets down to bedrock, but somehow, when the Lord got into the neighbourhood of their real problems—not surface issues—they left. We came very close to finding out what it was they were holding onto so dearly. So dearly that they didn’t want it touched or changed.

I was, of course, speaking of saints who are deeply flawed. But Chris, all of us are deeply flawed! You. Me. And that neat, near-perfect Christian sitting next to you.

There are always a few hidden flaws in each of us, flaws so well hidden we don’t know we have them. (Usually our brothers and sisters know, though. Isn’t that fascinating? We can’t see our flaws. Others can. Three cheers for close-knit church life.) Those flaws constitute the major field upon which the battle for our transformation will be fought. I am quick to add that even an all-powerful Lord has a difficult time tearing out some of those well-hidden problems of our lives.

I would like to talk about this a little bit more, for this has troubled me throughout the entire length of my ministry. On several occasions I have gone to a very damaged Christian and asked him to please seek professional help. Sometimes my fellow Christian went off, not to get help but to pout. (Or, in order to maintain his facade of submission to to others, he responded and went … once.) Remember, I am referring to young believers like yourself who—like you—fervently asked the Lord to transform them at any cost; young Christians who invited the Lord’s cross into their lives. The question before this House is this, does such a believer really want help? Does he really wish to be transformed or is he simply enjoying being a Christian and being a part of a people who have given their lives for the Lord? Is he unconsciously enjoying the ministry, the singing, the fellowshipping with Christ in his spirit, yet somehow building a fence around that hidden man, making sure that nothing dear to self is broken? Is he so weak and lame of soul that he is afraid that if his crutches, his psychological quirks and peculiarities, are challenged he will somehow fall flat on his face, never to recover?

Why is it that many Christians never change, even in some of the most ideal spiritual circumstances ever known?

I do not know the answer, but Chris, I would ask you, are you willing ultimately to be confronted concerning weakness in your life of which you seem to be totally unaware? Whether you are confronted properly or improperly (and I fear in this day and age it will probably be an improper confrontation by an improper person in the midst of an improper work), the fact remains that your reaction to that confrontation will speak volumes of the kind of person you really are.

I have to admit that sometimes my heart cheers when I see a cross coming to penetrate that erstwhile Christian, a cross so great that even he cannot escape the change it will work in him. And come it does, invariably…

There has to be one fact established in you. It just might be central to your going on with the Lord. It is this: Everything that comes into your life is ordered by God. To a Christian, nothing is accidental. This includes some awfully, awfully unfair events. Expect to be treated unfairly often.

I’ll use a grizzly example. Let’s say you get married. Let’s say that about eight years later your wife tells you she is seriously considering a divorce. (Ouch, sorry to use so cruel a thought. I suppose I’m trying very hard to get your attention, Chris.) The looming divorce may not be the Lord’s will, but He just might use such extreme circumstances to root out some deep flaw in your makeup. Full possession of your soul is His ultimate goal.

Now, I confess I was reluctant to use such means to get your attention. Let me tell you why. I recall too vividly how many times I’ve said such things to Christian young people and I watched them walk away hunting under every rock for the work of God in their lives and calling everything that enters their life “the sovereign hand of the Lord to transform me.” Be sure we are willing to accept anything into our lives as from the Lord, except those things which can really alter us. Then we forget about the whole idea of transformation. Sometimes we are momentary atheists, forgetting even that there is a God.

I’ve watched many young people try to produce a divine work in their lives or hoist some trivial problem to such a high status. The effort is sometimes tragic and sometimes comical, but always ludicrous. You can no more imitate what divine life produces in a life than a dog can successfully imitate a man. There is that much discrepancy! I’ve come, at the end of thirty years of ministry, to realise that the highest revelation delivered concerning the Lord and His ways is not enough to deal with those basic human flaws with which all of us are cursed. Having the highest revealing there is, imitating the highest revelation of His life that man can grasp, turning over every rock in your life and calling it the work of God to transform you, all this is pretty much futile.

At the end of 30 years of working with young people, I have too many vivid memories of 19-, 20- and 21-year-olds fasting, praying, singing, praising and giving, doing everything and anything they could to make sure God gained ground in them, only to see the most basic flaws remain … untouched … even fifteen years later.

The work of the cross comes in many different styles, sizes, many different packages and many different colours. It’s a rare Christian who truly understands what the cross is in his life. Let me put that another way. It is a rare Christian who can correctly identify the cross as truly being the cross once it arrives. Our fallen nature is an absolute genius at keeping the most important part of self’s habits from ever going to the cross. Consequently something in us keeps us from seeing the cross even when it is right in front of us. Or, we give the cross a new name, “Unjust, undeserved treatment at the hands of a bunch of buzzards!” Call it that if you wish, but it is, in fact, still the cross, sent by the Lord Himself.

But the cross can come the very opposite way. You can also believe something is the cross when it isn’t. For you, it may be that day when you face a Christian friend who tells you, “This is not the cross of Christ in your life; you simply have masochistic tendencies!”

To hear the truth of those devastating words … and to deal with the truth revealed … that will be your cross.

Let’s look at another Christian, one who thinks he is bearing his cross so beautifully. His cross, in his eyes at least, is a bickering, nagging wife. Once day he is finally confronted with the truth: “Brother, you are not bearing the cross! You are a secretive non-communicating man who keeps you whole personality hidden away from view. Your wife is not a nagger, she is being driven stark-raving mad by the fact that you have not let her know who you are. You are afraid, you are hidden, in fact, you are downright deceptive. Forbearing with your wife’s nagging has absolutely nothing to do with the cross nor with what the Lord really wishes to accomplish in your life. On top of everything else, you are super-religious. Your precious cross is a cover-up, a cop-out, a bail-out for the real cross that is needed in your life. Your jaw would probably break if you started communicating with your wife. You are safe in your silence … the risk and terror and pain would be in talking. You haven’t even started knowing the cross. On top of everything else, you know virtually nothing about true spirituality; you are a super-religious, secretive recluse who is just about to put the finishing touches on driving your wife loony.”

Whew. If that brother, facing truth in stark reality, accepts such exposure, then he will have allowed the Lord to reveal the true meaning of the cross to his life … perhaps for the first time.

For another brother, his day is up when he realises that his very refined ability to not confront someone (but, rather, to bear the cross) is really an act of cowardice. To confront would be his real cross.

Conversely, there is the brother who is very proud of the fact that he is frank and outspoken and quick to get things into the light. Somewhere, someday, he will be faced with almost the opposite reality. He is going to have to face up to the fact that there is a cruelness in him, that he is a callous, compassionless man, and for him to speak is to refuse the cross. For him to be silent and to accept (as he sees it) injustices would almost kill him. If he manages … then the Lord has won a victory.

The wife who thinks that she is the perfect mother and doing such a wonderful job of being the godly wife and mother, may one day have to face the fact the she is, more than anything else, self-righteous about her perfection. The brother who constantly, daily pours out his life for others, serving others, who is loved and revered as a true servant of the Lord … (we all love him … after all, look at all he has done for each of us. Here, truly, is a Christian): One day he may have to realise that he is not really serving the Lord but that he is psychologically a very insecure individual and is trying to buy other people’s favour by his helpfulness.

Then, there is the sister who is constantly praising the Lord, has given up marriage to serve the Lord full time, is looked upon as one who is truly a disciple of Christ, the picture of the perfect celibate Christian. That woman may one day have to face the stark fact that she is unconsciously a man-hater or is afraid of sex, or has latent homosexual tendencies, and that she has a very low self-image and is trying to buy favour with Christ and with Christians; or unconsciously feels that the Lord was punishing her for being such a nerd. Wow, if she ever gets caught in this act of self-deception … that will be the blackest day of her life. Will she be able to survive? Would she follow Christ if he required her to marry and drop this deception?

I have seen many Christians who fit the above categories. (You should read what I left out.) When their lives are brought down into shambles in some divine bursts of exposure, truly they taste the full power of the cross for the first time.

As I said, the true cross comes in some very surprising packages.

Be sure, when the exposing onslaught of light hits, some Christians prefer to continue the masquerade, steal away in the night and set up their act in the next town.

In fact, when light finally hits “the real you,” not one of us wins any medals for gracious acceptance.

None of what I have mentioned here to you may be true; that godly woman who never married may truly be godly. That almost perfect mother may truly be almost perfect. That brother who holds his tongue when he is being damned and gossiped and lied about may truly be doing the highest thing on earth. All of that may well be true; but in every one of these people, behind some dark, long-forgotten dungeon door lies a deep, hidden psychological flaw which the Lord is determined to locate, to bring to the light, and to change! That hour may well contain for you more pain than you have ever experienced. In that hour, you will hurt, Chris. There is an excellent chance that you may be very tempted to turn away from the Lord’s cross in that moment.

Each of us is carrying around something very precious which we, despite all of our expressions of devotion to the Lord, are not about to give up to the cross. Tragedy of all tragedies … we seem never to know this.

As one brother wisely put it, “The cross is usually exactly the opposite of what we thought it was.” In the light of all I have said here, is it any surprise God uses sorrow and pain to get through our defenses? What else, pray tell, could penetrate such a bulwark?

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Edwards’ books contain some very helpful insights, but read them with caution. This post should be helpful for mature Christians but could be very unhelpful for newer ones. The intended result is not a witch-hunt for hidden motives, as it became for a close friend of mine, but a greater faith and more willing submission under the hands of a loving Father who works everything together for good. So don’t get too introspective. As Doug Wilson says of the human heart, “it’s dark in there.” Look away to Christ. He knows what’s in there and (without negating the obedience He requires), He will deal with it in His time. Just don’t be surprised when He does.